Retirement

 RETIREMENT

As I was checking my 401 (k) account and thinking about retirement, I saw an article about nursing and retirement homes are.

Then it hit me. No nursing home for me!

Here is my plan: I'm checking into the Holiday Inn.

With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount, it's $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service. It also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies. Plus, I’ll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer and dryer. I'll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap. And I’ll be treated like a customer, not a patient.

Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling.

There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.

The handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp. Ride the Shul bus free on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you're at the airport, fly somewhere.

Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the other hand, Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever ~ you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.

Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too.

TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool. What more can you ask for?