Making an affair, Wedding, Bar-Mitzvah

Dear Rabbi Shain,

I just married off my last child and am very happy. The problem that I have was and still is the catering hall. and the Rav Hamachshir.

The chosen's parents insisted on this hall and we did not object. I asked the caterer for the phone number of the Rav Hamachshir. Six weeks later, I asked, again for the phone number. A few days later, the Rav Hamachshir called me back and left a message on my phone. He said that he cannot talk, it was erev Shabbat and he would not be answering the phone number. I finally touched base with him the next week.

 

The place the chosen's parents chose was a treif place that had a kosher caterer in it. I told the Rav Hamachshir that I am not comfortable with him using treif glasses in a Kosher establishment. I wanted new glasses for my simcha. He cited me the Shulchan Aruch, about the difference of opinions between the Rama and the Mechaber. I told him that I am not Sephardi and I hold from two sets of glasses in my house. He told me that there are many poskim that hold from using glass for both and he ridiculed me for not listening to them. I reminded him of the g'morra in Chulin that prohibits someone for making fun of someone because he holds from a certain halachic position.

I told him that I cannot hold by a catering hall that has less standards than my own house. I will never bring in a treif or milchig glass and put it into a soapy basin with meat dishes, or put it into a dishwasher with fleishic dishes, like he does. He refused to listen. Afterwards, he called the caterer. The caterer then called my wife and told her that I or anyone else was not allowed in the kitchen.

I spoke to my Rav. He called up the place and spoke to them. The owner refused to budge and told my Rav, flat out, that no one goes into the kitchen and that 'either you trust the Kashrus or you don't'. 

I spoke to a number of other Rabbonim afterwards. I am fully aware that the soap in the dishwasher makes in pagum and there might be a heter to use it, but none of the Rabbonim that I told would do the same things in their house. All the Rabbonim that I spoke to left after the Chupa, after telling me previously that they would stay until after Sheva Berachot. I could not tell the guests what I did, relying of different psak halachot, but I did not eat anything at the wedding - I brought my own food, drink and cups. I did not want to stop the chaseneh.

I spoke to the Maitre d during the affair and asked to see the mashgiach. He refused.

I am heartbroken at what happened. The Rav Hamachshir is a tremendous name and the hall is a well known hall. I was there many times previously, based on the name of the Rav Hamachshir but personally witnessed multiple affairs happening there, both Kosher and treif, at the same time. Never did I think that they used the same cups.

People have to know that  places that are treif should not have a Kosher caterer, unless there are separate glasses, at the very minimum. If they are really smart, they should insist to use only Kosher caterers.

I had a conversation with the Rav Hamachshir a few years ago he probably does not remember it. . He claimed that he only bought items that he personally checked out, and it has a chassidic or heimishe hechsher. I asked him about Coca Cola. He started yelling at me, saying that I was not allowed to ask that or question what he does.

How much worse is it?