Timely article on the current DAF

 Sept. 10, 2023

Today's Daf, Shidduch Crisis and Moshiach

Today, like every day, tens of thousands will pore over their Gemara or listen to shiurim on the daily Daf. Today however, they will see a key to change which would better so many lives, in this world and the next. Many will see it, but unfortunately not very many will act on it. This Gemara is no secret, and has been seen by young and old for centuries, but in recent years it seems to have been overlooked.

רב הונא לטעמיה דאמר: בן עשרים שנה ולא נשא אשה – כל ימיו בעבירה. בעבירה סלקא דעתך?! אלא

אימא: כל ימיו בהרהור עבירה. אמר רבא, וכן תנא דבי רבי ישמעאל: עד עשרים שנה יושב הקדוש ברוך הוא ומצפה לאדם מתי ישא אשה, כיון שהגיע עשרים ולא נשא, אומר: תיפח עצמותיו

Rav Huna taught that one who is not married by the time he is 20, will live his entire life with sinful thoughts. Rava, as well as Rebbi Yishmael, taught that Hashem Himself waits for one to get married. When he reaches 20 and hasn’t attempted to get married, Hashem says “May his bones swell” (A curse reserved only for those who postpone marriage or for those who deny ).תחיית המתים

This Gemara seems to be overlooked because the Gemara before discusses one who is preoccupied learning Torah and wouldn’t be able to continue his studies after marriage. He therefore is exempt (according to some interpretations) from the age limit of 20. One may think this exempts all Yeshiva students, but the truth is that this exemption only applies to someone who need not be concerned with illicit thoughts. It is for someone on a level higher than almost any of our day bachurim. The average, and even the best of our boys cannot vouch on themselves that they have total control over their Yetzer hora.

This exemption also doesn’t apply to anyone who is going to Kollel or whose wife, parents, or in-laws will support them after marriage. (According to R’ Moshe Feinstein, it doesn’t apply unless one won’t be able to learn Torah even during his set time to learn because of the stresses of work. If however he could set aside some time to learn properly, he wouldn’t be exempt from getting married at this age.)

For all practical purposes, for almost all young men, the correct age for marriage is before they reach 20. This Halacha is codified by the Rambam, Tur, Shulchan Aruch, and accepted by all halachic authorities of all times. This includes the Chafetz Chaim, Aruch Hashulchan, Chazon Ish, R’ Moshe Feinstein and so on.

The connection to the shidduch crisis is quite obvious. If boys were to get married younger the age gap wouldn’t be there. Even if this would cause more boys than girls according to statistics, we should much rather have a “crisis” caused by Hashem and not one which we made ourselves. In the former we can rely on Him, but in the later He relies on us to mend our ways.

But where does Moshiach come in? The Gemara (Niddah 13b) says that one who marries a young girl who is not old enough to bear children delays the coming of Moshiach. This is because Moshiach will only come when all the Neshamos that need to come to this world have already been born. By delaying marriage we are delaying generations from being born which in turn delays the coming of Moshiach.

As the Yom Hadin approaches, perhaps as a people we could aim to get closer to the age Hashem required us to get married. Many projects have been aimed at lowering the age of our boys, but none of them seemed to garner enough steam. Perhaps the only way to achieve this goal is not by throwing money at the problem, or convincing people to do it for the sake of fixing a crisis. We need to simply realize how detrimental it is for young men to not be in a marriage at this age. They will inevitably deteriorate spiritually and suffer with sinful thoughts for the rest of their life.

The Mahrsha comments on today's Gemara that one who isn’t married by 20 gets the not-so honorable title of .רשעThe Medrash in Koheles says that those that delay marriage are worthy of .מיתה בידי שמים

This is a serious issue, and before the Yom Hadin it is worth examining.

נחפשה דרכינו ונחקרה ונשובה עד ה'